I recently studied Adler’s psychological ideas and how living in the “realm of possibility” can prevent us from pursuing what we truly want.
The basic idea is this: if there’s something you want to do but you haven’t figured out how, it might be because you prefer the safety of thinking you could do it—rather than risking the discovery that it’s not right for you. In other words, it’s often easier to stay in that mental space where you tell yourself, “I could do it if I really tried,” than it is to confront reality head-on.
If you have a dream or a goal, chances are you’re attached to it. You like the idea of yourself being an author, a musician, or an entrepreneur. In this realm of possibility, you feel comfortable. But moving from that safe mental space into actually doing the thing—and potentially finding out you’re not as good at it as you hoped—would threaten this aspirational vision of yourself. So, feeling safe and comfortable in the present overrides the desire to pursue your aspirations.
To the rational observer, this seems absurd: if you want to do something, just try it and see if it’s truly what you’re meant to do, right? But our irrational personal logic trumps this. Deep down—either subconsciously or consciously—our need for safety and our attachment to an aspirational self blocks us. Because we fear finding out it may not be true. Until you fully understand how this works in your own life, you’ll remain stuck.
The real virtue is to figure out what you’re meant to do by trying things, seeing what happens, and then trying again. It’s a continuous process of experimentation, and staying in your realm of possibility won’t get you there.
If you fail to leave that realm, years can pass without meaningful action. You might rely on self-sabotaging lies, like “right now is not the right time,” until they turn into “I’m too old to do it.” We know that near the end of life, people often regret what they didn’t do more than what they did. A fulfilled life, then, is one where you keep trying, moving beyond the realm of possibility into the flow of life—where serendipity appears and you unleash your potential. It’s not about one-shot success; it’s about a many-shot journey toward discovering what you’re truly meant to do.