When I was younger, I was obsessed with stoicism. It seemed to offer a way to eliminate self-inflicted suffering by controlling my emotions. I believed that strong leaders were hyper-rational, controlling their emotions to live up to the mantra "be indifferent to the things that make no difference." This led to a desire for self-control and a focus on things I could influence, rather than wasting energy on things beyond my control.
After practicing these virtues for years while building companies and betting on myself, I've come to realize that stoicism is often misunderstood and not always useful for personal growth.
A rational focus on things within your control is undoubtedly valuable for directing your energy effectively. However, I was wrong to ignore the power of emotions in decision-making and experiencing life.
Emotions carry significant value when observed in a calm, highly aware state. They provide new insights, understanding, and opportunities for growth. Instead of ignoring feelings of upset, one should treat them as a source of self-insight. Emotions often serve as a starting point for deeper contemplation of the self, the ego, and one's behavior patterns, accelerating personal evolution.
But emotions aren't just rationally useful; they're another dimension through which we experience life. By blocking out this dimension, we lose a rich part of our human experience.
A third factor that changed my thinking about emotions is their connection to intuition or gut feeling. Emotions arise from the subconscious, which we can't consciously understand. Yet, the majority of brain activity happens subconsciously. It would be ignorant to dismiss the subconscious in decision-making or living life. I've come to see emotions as a gateway from the subconscious to the conscious, allowing us to become aware of something beyond our conscious understanding. Consequently, I now intentionally tune into my emotions when facing life decisions.
The problem with stoicism is that people often interpret it as a call to block out emotions entirely. To me, this isn't helpful. Combining the useful virtues of stoicism (like focusing on what you can control) with an acknowledgment of the value of emotions creates a more powerful operating system for life.